Yesterday was my 25th anniversary... it was my wife's 25th too. That may sound like a silly thing to say, but it resonates in my heart and brings out a flood of thoughts and emotions.
Only 27 years ago, we didn't know each other existed. We each had hopes of finding that "special someone" but we were fully unaware of the actual existence of that person. Now as I sit at my cluttered desk, in the home we share with our two boys, I can't imagine what life would have been without her.
During our 25 years together we've finished our college courses, built careers, shared vision and done extraordinary things with God and with people we met and learned to love.
We buried Heidi's mom just a couple years into our marriage, after a two year battle with cancer. The questions, differences and recriminations surrounding that season tore apart the fabric of her family in a way that has never been mended.
We've been through financial stresses, largely as a result of my passion for excellence in ministry and my endless pushing for better, faster, and bigger tools and goals to bring people closer to God. We've opened our home to friends and freeloaders at all stages of their journey toward (and sometimes, sadly, away from) wholeness.
We've survived my own battle with kidney cancer... When the ER doc said "get your house in order" and it seemed like what we'd had 'till then was all we'd get.
We've navigated the pain of past sexual abuse and of bringing that out in the open with hope of healing... only to have it further destroy family relationships and lead to litigation and estrangement.
We've parented two amazing sons who, in spite of our best efforts to screw up, have turned into fine, responsible young men. Guys just bursting with a desire to explore and conquer the wisdom of the world around them and in their own hearts. As a family we've been renovators and builders... militants and pacifists... we've been confident and confused... ecstatic and dejected... Purposeful and aimless... triumphant and beaten down... indigent and comfortable...
She's been the mirror for my soul at times when my desire was to hide and blame... asking me the tough questions that burrowed through the anger or ambivalence to find the heart of my struggle... And to tease my heart and soul into seeking clarity instead of expedience... purpose instead of my familiar "knee-jerk" responses.
She's made hard decisions easier by nudging me to follow my heart and listen to God. She's saved me from countless, "personal excursions" into areas of interest that might derail me from my calling.
Together we walked away from the religious denomination of our origin... with all it's comfortable, familiar structures and social networks... it's neatly packaged theology... and simple answers to everything (except the important questions WE wrestled with...) Into the unknown of life with God outside of man-made religio-political machinations. We've faced incidental and monumental questions of faith and integrity, truth and dogma, purpose and practice, meaning and madness, failure and success... and learned to seek God in defining and right-sizing all those realities.
At times I still feel like I barely know her... Life hands us new twists and turns every day that alter our perspective and stretch us out of our comfortable shapes. When those things happen, she responds in ways that sometimes explode my "pigeon-holed" idea of what she thinks or who she is. But one thing that I've seen... one thing that has been the touchstone of our days together and our hope for the future is love... not always, in fact very rarely, that soft-focused romantic feeling that movies do so well at portraying... most often it's the solidity of knowing that someone will always be "for" you... on your side... wishing for your best outcome.
Heidi is a giving, gifted, complex and super-intelligent woman. She can articulate her feelings and thoughts with passion... grow and tend plants and people with equal joy and care... build teams and lead them to complete complex tasks against insurmountable odds. She's an artist... a builder... a visionary... an accountant... a painter... stonemason... carpenter... auto mechanic... chef... tutor... healer... motivator... laugh leader... gentle critic... and so much more. She is goal oriented and tenacious... she'd have to be to stick with me ;-)
We started our relationship by just hanging out and accomplishing things together... 25 years later that's still our biggest joy. Meeting the challenges... and experiencing the adventure TOGETHER... is what has made each new day worth finishing.
I can't thank her, or my God, enough for what has flooded into my life and heart over the last 25 years. I can't be worthy of it... Like grace, each day has been a gift! My greedy heart wants every day to be more of that adventure, and is so glad for a friend and soul-mate who has made every step of the journey with me.
Here's to you, baby! I'd like another 25...
