Still Crazy After All These Years...

Yesterday was my 25th anniversary... it was my wife's 25th too. That may sound like a silly thing to say, but it resonates in my heart and brings out a flood of thoughts and emotions.

Only 27 years ago, we didn't know each other existed. We each had hopes of finding that "special someone" but we were fully unaware of the actual existence of that person. Now as I sit at my cluttered desk, in the home we share with our two boys, I can't imagine what life would have been without her.

During our 25 years together we've finished our college courses, built careers, shared vision and done extraordinary things with God and with people we met and learned to love.

We buried Heidi's mom just a couple years into our marriage, after a two year battle with cancer. The questions, differences and recriminations surrounding that season tore apart the fabric of her family in a way that has never been mended.

We've been through financial stresses, largely as a result of my passion for excellence in ministry and my endless pushing for better, faster, and bigger tools and goals to bring people closer to God. We've opened our home to friends and freeloaders at all stages of their journey toward (and sometimes, sadly, away from) wholeness.

We've survived my own battle with kidney cancer... When the ER doc said "get your house in order" and it seemed like what we'd had 'till then was all we'd get.

We've navigated the pain of past sexual abuse and of bringing that out in the open with hope of healing... only to have it further destroy family relationships and lead to litigation and estrangement.

We've parented two amazing sons who, in spite of our best efforts to screw up, have turned into fine, responsible young men. Guys just bursting with a desire to explore and conquer the wisdom of the world around them and in their own hearts. As a family we've been renovators and builders... militants and pacifists... we've been confident and confused... ecstatic and dejected... Purposeful and aimless... triumphant and beaten down... indigent and comfortable...

She's been the mirror for my soul at times when my desire was to hide and blame... asking me the tough questions that burrowed through the anger or ambivalence to find the heart of my struggle... And to tease my heart and soul into seeking clarity instead of expedience... purpose instead of my familiar "knee-jerk" responses.

She's made hard decisions easier by nudging me to follow my heart and listen to God. She's saved me from countless, "personal excursions" into areas of interest that might derail me from my calling.

Together we walked away from the religious denomination of our origin... with all it's comfortable, familiar structures and social networks... it's neatly packaged theology... and simple answers to everything (except the important questions WE wrestled with...) Into the unknown of life with God outside of man-made religio-political machinations. We've faced incidental and monumental questions of faith and integrity, truth and dogma, purpose and practice, meaning and madness, failure and success... and learned to seek God in defining and right-sizing all those realities.

At times I still feel like I barely know her... Life hands us new twists and turns every day that alter our perspective and stretch us out of our comfortable shapes. When those things happen, she responds in ways that sometimes explode my "pigeon-holed" idea of what she thinks or who she is. But one thing that I've seen... one thing that has been the touchstone of our days together and our hope for the future is love... not always, in fact very rarely, that soft-focused romantic feeling that movies do so well at portraying... most often it's the solidity of knowing that someone will always be "for" you... on your side... wishing for your best outcome.

Heidi is a giving, gifted, complex and super-intelligent woman. She can articulate her feelings and thoughts with passion... grow and tend plants and people with equal joy and care... build teams and lead them to complete complex tasks against insurmountable odds. She's an artist... a builder... a visionary... an accountant... a painter... stonemason... carpenter... auto mechanic... chef... tutor... healer... motivator... laugh leader... gentle critic... and so much more. She is goal oriented and tenacious... she'd have to be to stick with me ;-)

We started our relationship by just hanging out and accomplishing things together... 25 years later that's still our biggest joy. Meeting the challenges... and experiencing the adventure TOGETHER... is what has made each new day worth finishing.

I can't thank her, or my God, enough for what has flooded into my life and heart over the last 25 years. I can't be worthy of it... Like grace, each day has been a gift! My greedy heart wants every day to be more of that adventure, and is so glad for a friend and soul-mate who has made every step of the journey with me.

Here's to you, baby! I'd like another 25...

What about "Feeding the Flock"

 I re-read my post from Monday... It's Wednesday now, the "mellow middle" of the week, and I have to qualify my assertions a bit. I want to say that I'm not anti-shepherding as it relates to churches. I don't think that churches are evangelism machines... just dragging people who are far from God across the line of faith and running out to grab some more.

You've heard the quote...

"Some people want to live within the sound of chapel bells,
but I want to run a mission a yard from the gates of hell." - John Wesley

That resonates with me on many levels... but it's not fully how I'm wired. It's not exactly what my heart envisions.

I think "a yard from the gates of hell." is the best place to reach lost people, people far from God. It's also a great place to encounter people lost in the miasma of good intentions... (i.e. "the road to hell is paved with good intentions") You know them... people who say "I'm a good person... God will save me because he knows my heart and I'm really a good guy..."

Here's how I'd explain my passion... I'd like to run "the testimony/praise service in a converted dance-hall a yard and six inches from the gates of hell." As i envision it, when people on the road to hell are approaching the gates, they'll hear the excitement they might not be able to help but stop in and check it out. When they see themselves in the countless stories of "good people," who were grabbed only inches from disaster, they may just stay and listen. Over time they'll come to realize that there was only one "Good Person" and turn to the One that can save them like he saved those who came before them.

I know that's splitting hairs to some extent. Witnessing is always "one beggar telling another beggar where to find bread." I guess I'm just wired up to focus on the celebration when the "lost sheep comes home."

But I think of the parable of the lost sheep, and the lost coin... The shepherd LEFT THE SHEEP who were in the fold and sought the lost sheep. The woman thought of nothing else but that lost coin... she swept and searched... and searched and swept until she found it. She thought of nothing else until that coin was recovered. I see Christ, in these parables, revealing his priority for shepherds and for the kingdom of God.

Fishers of men... seekers of lost sheep... searchers for the lost coin... fathers of prodigals... people who "GO" into all the world... I find myself so drawn to them that I scarcely have a though for the guy who he left the sheep with... Or the son who stayed behind while the prodigal roamed and rioted.

Perhaps I'm adding my own bias to the back-story, but I don't see either the shepherd who stayed with the flock, or the son who stayed behind while his brother roamed, as feeling they had the plum job. But both were necessary for the story. There was continuity to be maintained... sheep to be fed and calves to be "fatted."

A few years ago I was involved in a church-based seeker ministry... We did a weekly service targeted toward people who might be "kicking the tires" on a relationship with God. We were offered an opportunity to take our ministry team to the UK as an example of what might work in churches there... But we were also committed to holding a service at home every week so that we'd always be there when a seeker might show up. This meant we needed to leave a team behind to carry on while we "went into all the world." We would have gone anyway... regardless of weather we had a second team or not... But we valued the team that filled our places while we were gone. That being said... I wouldn't have chosen to stay rather than to go. It would be like Indiana Jones only getting to teach... he's made for so much more than that.

Keith Green used to say "Jesus commands us to 'Go...' it should be the exception to stay..."

I guess what I find strange is that we seem to have an awesome opportunity in our culture right now to intersect and make a difference right from our churches, and many are reluctant to embrace it. People today are actively seeking God's touch and many are looking in the the logical or traditional places first... Churches. If you can't experience the presence of God in a church, where can you experience it.

Yet many churches are more tied to their traditions or their customs that they are to reaching out to the people that God is sending, or would send, through their doors if He thought they'd find a connection with Him there.

I really believe shepherding is important... sheep get restless, they bicker and bite each other... and shepherds are needed to maintain order. But sheep do far less fighting when they're on the move. They need to be LED as much as they need to be FED. Congregations do far less fighting, and are far less needy, when they have a mission and are working TOGETHER toward a goal.

Army commanders have far fewer morale and discipline problems when the troops are on a mission than they do while the army is encamped and awaiting their next move. Sheep interact better when they're walking than when they're grazing or in the pen.

It would seem that maybe churches would need far less "tending and feeding" when they are "on mission" as well.

The life-cycle of a christian is akin to the life-cycle of a human being... you're born helpless and need feeding and training... and your diapers changed. As you get older you start to take care of yourself until eventually you're producing children/disciples.

When I was a baby, my parents fed me... My dad did "the airplane" and brought the food swooping in for a landing in my gaping/waiting mouth. But as I grew older, I began to feed myself. He still provided the food but I did my own eating. Now that I'm an adult, he still asks me if I've eaten... but he assumes that I'll say "yes" because I'm a self-feeder. In fact, he has watched, with great pleasure, as I've fed my boys... enjoying the passing of the torch and regaling us with stories of when he fed me.

I think spiritual development is very similar. When we're new Christians we need to be fed. As we grow our spiritual mentors teach us to feed ourselves. As we reach maturity they watch us give birth to children... by leading others to Christ... and feed them until they can feed themselves. Mature Christians NEED to be "making and raising babies" not laying back and being fed. It's a part of THEIR development as much as it is a benefit to the new Christian.

It's a pathology for and adult to still need to be fed by their parent. When that happens it's because of an accident or medical/mental condition that has kept the child from developing. We would be uncomfortable seeing a 30-year-old being spoon-fed by his mom or dad. We expect mature individuals to take care of themselves.

Do you know anybody who is a mature adult, but still lives with their mother. it's sad isn't it? They never know the joy of building a relationship and a family... never experience the wonder of raising a child of their own. These stunted adults are rarely happy or fulfilled, and they are certainly not reaching their full potential. So it is with Christians who have stopped growing shortly after conversion. They're taking in the food of the faith, but never putting it into practice. Eventually they get to be like the 700 pound guy who can't get out of the house without a forklift... unwilling to move and unable to care for themselves or contribute to the good of the church.

Shepherding IS a noble calling... but when it becomes enabling instead of teaching... passive instead of leading... it damages the shepherd, the sheep and the sheepfold.

We'll always need people with gifts of mercy to come alongside hurting people, at whatever stage of maturity they're experiencing, and bear part of the burden for a season. But in a church where there are mature Christ-followers that doesn't need to be the main focus of ministry. Armies have doctors and chaplains, cooks and janitors... but the main focus is not the camp, it's THE MISSION. The community that built while we're "On the way" will take care of much of that aspect of shepherding.

People will give time, and talent... dollars and passion... to seeing another lost person come to Christ. But the longer the time-span between those "blessed events" the more the sheep grow restless and begin to bicker. They were made to make disciples and to feed others... not to be force-fed and entertained.

Let's feed the little ones.. and motivate the adults with a mission... namely seeing one more "lost guy" find His Savior.

Christ said "my sheep hear my voice..." and when I read the gospels I keep hearing Him say "Fish... seek... disciple... rescue those in darkness... bear much fruit..." I think I'm hearing him clearly.

I recently heard a pastor put it this way... "Our mission is to bring them in.. train them up... and send them out to do the same." I resonate with that... it keeps me focused and energized... I need brothers to keep me accountable and to "get my back" in tough spiritual struggles... I even need a hint on where to find bread quite often...

But I can feed myself, thanks.

What do you think? Let's hear opposing viewpoints or stories of your struggle... I'd love to spur some thought, evaluation and dialogue.



Here's what I'm reading today...

Do I Have To Be "Seeker Focused?"

I’m in a period of searching right now. I don’t think it’s mid-life crisis as such... (if it is I must be up for the Guinness World Record for the longest mid-life crisis... i’ve been in mine since 1972! :wink:) I think it’s just the way I’m "wired up"... a perpetual quest to give all that I can give in return for the blessing of being alive, and being accepted by Christ. As an amateur philosopher, I believe that the "WHY" informs, and likely even drives the "HOW" and the "WHAT." So I try to keep coming back and refreshing my understanding and vision of the "WHY."

I’ve been evaluating "what it’s all about... and why I’m here" issues recently and I’m discovering, albeit too slowly for my taste, what MY core values and motivations are.

I’ve been involved in music, mainly performing Christian music, for 37 years this month. About 20 years ago I finally discovered that it wasn’t so much music that I was enamored with, but worship... involving a congregation in seeking the "face of God." At about the same time I became aware that the only purpose for the church was to continue the work that Christ left us... to seek and save the lost and to make disciples of all who were becoming saved. To put that in a more modern vernacular is to say ’to help people, who are far from God, move closer to the true purpose they were created for... fellowship with their Creator."

I don’t have a bent toward evangelism in the traditional sense... where we try to convince others that the theology, or eschatology we’ve found is the "best or the only." But I am wired-up, at my core, to see people find their God connection and I am drawn to do all I can to get them started on that journey. I guess in that sense I am. at my core, seeker focused. But what does that mean?

I grew up in a denomination that was doctrine-centric and demanded strict conformity to their understanding of that doctrine... right down to the tiniest point.

In the denomination your heart was "your own business", but your behavior was EVERYBODY’S business. It was rigid, authoritarian, dictatorial and drove most of my generation far from the church. At the same time, the indoctrination in the denominational schools (which we all attended) reinforced the fact that to leave the denomination WAS to forsake God and the "special light" we’d been given. Consequently, when my peers discovered themselves worn out and broken from running up against the unscalable wall of "sinless perfection" many just jettisoned the whole deal and began to doubt the existence of a God who demanded what "no man could produce." Most of those who didn’t leave moved to a theology of choice where the hide their lives from their fellow church-members and put on the "Sabbath Face" when they’re together.

As I began to see this all play out, I realized that "Church" was a double-edged sword. It can so easily leave it’s reason for being (to be fishers of men, places of refuge and healing, and an environment to disciple "future fishermen") and travel along a continuum toward being self-focused and impotent. Instead of entering into and engaging culture like Christ did, they seek to create their own culture... insulated from the influences of "apostasy" around them.

The individuals in those churches look to their leaders for direction and permission to do what they themselves had been created for... to share Christ with a broken world as His disciple. They miss the joy of leading someone to Christ... the paid pastor does that. They miss the joy of baptizing their friends or their children... the paid pastor does that. When it reaches it’s logical conclusion, the only need the church has for the individual is to access them financially every week and to hope they create enough "new members" (kids) to keep the machine alive. That’s worst case, but there are some congregations that are desperately close to that end of the spectrum.



A couple weeks ago I had the honor of baptizing my oldest son. What a miraculous experience that was... To be that close to a great kid, who I’d spent more time with than with any other human being in my life, as he made his public stand for Christ.

It couldn’t have happened in my denomination of origin. I’m a music minister and team leader, but I’m not a pastor. Not ordained, not licensed, not credentialed in any way except that I’m a Christ follower and am called to the great commission. I’m called to go into the world and make disciples AND to baptize them... What Christ left me as his last instructions, most churches say I’m not qualified to do. What’s up with that?

I think that the hijacking of the great commission, with all it’s rights and privileges, by the clergy or denominations is the reason that our mission is in such a state of being misunderstood and overlooked. Christ asked us to go into all the world... we’ve been taught to give our money to missions so that missionaries can carry the gospel into the far corners of the earth. On the face of it that’s great, and shouldn’t be neglected... but isn’t my neighborhood part of the world. Foreign missions become a smoke-screen that separates us from the call to do the work of missions in our own town.

Engaging and attracting potential Christ-followers ourselves is a biblical concept. Jesus instructed the disciples to go to "Jerusalem, Judea... and to the uttermost parts of the earth." Notice he listed the city and state first! I’m beginning to realize that it could be because they’re our first priority!

I guess I’m slowly coming to the realization that the "church" as we know it is in danger of becoming an anachronism... "a tool without a function." It could be that this decline is because we’ve come through a period in time when institutions sought and maybe even demanded our loyalty. Over the last few decades we’ve seen countless institutions reward that loyalty with disenfranchisement, disinterest, and even abuse... the day of the institutional church is nearing an end.

Brace yourself for the expansion of the organic church...
The organic church is led by the common people...
The organic church involves ALL believers in ministry,
according to their gifting and passion...
The organic church is outwardly focused... Not a Christian club or theme-park!
The organic church is seeker targeted...
The organic church is not afraid of pain, or risk, or fun...
The organic church is made up of active participants... Not bystanders or patrons.
Tho organic church is focused on mission...
to bring people far from God into relationship and service to God.

I’ve tried it both ways...
I've been in situations where we said "we’re going to do what we do... focus on our flock and any outsiders are welcome to participate if they find their way here..."
I've also been a part of movements where we’ve said "our main thing is to be ’Fishers of Men... baiting our hooks to attract people who don’t know God yet’ and we’ll put all our efforts into doing that authentically and vigorously. He’ll grow us and our community along the way."

My bottom line...
As for me and my house, we wouldn’t give another dime or a moment of our time for the first, but we’d give everything we have and are for the latter.

I guess I "HAVE TO BE" seeker focused... it’s the only thing that gives me the impetus, focus, joy and energy for service!

Tell me where your heart is or what you think... Does any of that resonate with you?